Dear Me

 Ade ke tengah cari bentuk-bentuk soalan ujian tapisan unimas? straight to the point ujian tapisan unimas ni dia manual sent, apa maksud manual sent? manual sent ko kena tekan sent baru ujian ko jawab tu kena hantar. Tak hantar sama sekali tak pernah hadir exam dia. kedua, jumlah soalan dia bergantung dengan gred ko minta, Gred n19 = 50 soalan, gred n41, 100 soalan. Jawab dalam masa 1 jam=60minit. Sangat semput ye kawan2, dalam masa pendek nak settle semua. ketiga, soalan dia merangkumi : 1. sejarah sarawak 2. pasal sarawak 3. unimas 4. soalan math 5. soalan basic computer 6. of kos peraturan penjawat awam.

 Angin tak ada ribut tak ada.. tetiber jer... maybe a lots of people facing same issue like mine too.. everything is suddenly.. suddenly you happy.. suddenly u said suddenly you felt lonely suddenly u felt like crying suddenly u felt like useless sad, lonely, useless... it kill u.. i'm sad thooo.. felt like giving up but i cant.. i cant holding on too it not easy to leave and.. it not easy to stay.. especially people make u felt like u not matter at all.. idk...i'm tired.. malu.. asa pelacur..everything.. no one will understand..

 19th January 2022 Hi.. i never know that writing going to be my habit. I miss to write and pour out everything i felt. I hope 2022 will bring me good news. Currently waiting interview result for penolong pegawai tadbir N29 & Pegawai Teknologi Maklumat F41, in the same time applying for GETS and Guru Ganti(in other word, just applying). Actually, i really hope for PTM, 1st its MY degree field, i hope for professional experience in that field, but yeah.. i can not get my hope way too high, just because it's all depend on rezeki right. Takut kecewa dari berharap is more heartbreak than other. Many thing happen too me actually. I got pregnant and i lose it. its a big hit for me last year. In this year, i am planning for marriage. Just hope everthing went well. Things are hard for both of us. Especially financially. My partner family being chased out from their home by their own relative, the ownership of the land they stay are the name of their moyang, so when their moyang give th...

 i'm lonely... i don't know when will this end.. i'm just felt so tired.. way too tired pls save me anyone pls help me.. save me from myself i'm gone crazy... help me... this journey way too lonely

 am i ever survive this?? it's hurting that much... why i got my hope high and now, i fall hard.. it hurt way too much.. what can i do now.. God pls help me... i dont to felt this anymore what can i do anymore everything are useless the same thing keep on repeating again and again.. i keep on getting hurt again and again.. what can i do when i dont wish to live anymore.. i hate this life that much..but i love my life so much...

 I need home to go back too... i need someone to go back too... i'm lonely.. i felt empty.. i need someone to be there for me.. i need love.. i want to love i want to be loved.. i want a place called home a home that welcome me.. a home that want me to be there.. i need that i really need that.. i  miss every happiness that i used to have before.. am i being ungrateful.. am i deserving all of this?? just what i am? who i am? what i had done? life is hard.. and its hard on me i cry i being sad i'm broken frustrated.. desperate pathetic again and again... i feel hopeless i feel lose... i feel nowhere to go anymore why i'm being this way? what should i do anymore... how to get better life why everything hurt so much i'm lonely.. i'm crying again last night... because it's feel so empty inside here... it's hurt that much... what can i do anymore??? i feel so weak...

 cheated.. by one-sided love.. by a liar.. by a cheater.. cheated on his gf.. n make you the other women.. the other women.. whom not aware of the cheater status.. whom being the third one.. whom  the one being used.. whom the one being lied.. whom are wrong in human lie..

 I miss u.. i miss u so much.. i miss u way too much.. but.. nothing i can do with this one-sided love.. i need to stay away.. i need to move on.. i need to protect myself.. i need n i must.. i miss u 🥲🥲🥲

 it is possible for someone who reject us to come back after we move on.? maybe that was my expectation.. expectation hurt.. i hope i can stop for expecting that kind of believe. if thing mean to be, it will happen.

 i always rejected by someone crush on.. idk why? it is me or else. i always attracted to someone but never get response. it always rejection.. it happened several time.. keep on rejected.. and its hurt so much..

 I want a home... a home to go back.. a home that going to welcome me.. my life full of rejection... where should i go?

 Yesterday... i was so frustrated and not able to sleep. I only sleep after 3 and wakeup at 6am. i wake up with a headache. Great headache. Delaying time till 8am and prepared for work. it took 30min to be done. Book grabcar and took 6 min for the driver to reach me. took took 5 min to reach workplace and endup being late. As i was in a very bad mood.. with terrible sadness inside me.. i choose to go back home again. Here i am..staying in my room mourning over my sadness. and then, find out that i’m having my period. Lol..no wonder..i’m way too sad. spend my time alone like this.. i just recall how desperate i am to love someone who not going to love me. i miss him.. n endup deactivate my social media for peace of mind. i can burden anyone else with my problem. i need to be calm in handling situation. i miss him..

 It’s take so much pain to love someone who not gonna love me back.. it’s hurting that much that i would stop feeling sleepy.. the pain that make me cry so badly.. it’s feel like my heart is bleeding... i feel so desperate.. desperate to love, being loved and in love... way too desperate and i feel ashamed of myself.. why i always doing this kind of thing? why can’t i just keep the feeling to myself..? why should i need to confess when i know that he gonna reject me.? why i keep on pursue a guy that never want me? what is wrong with me? it’s hurt so much... i keep on asking myself... am i ugly? am i not good enough..? is it due to all my sin..? am i not deserving love? why people keep on rejecting me? and i not deserve anything? not worth anything..? this hurt so much..i felt like screaming..this hurt so much god...what should i do ? i hate being this weak..i hte it..what is this meaningless life..?